It’s getting to be too much for me.
I wake up and I’m happy for mere moments before I am reminded of how screwed up my life has become. There isn’t enough anything to go around. Money, energy, dedication, motivation or care. But, there is plenty of emotion.
I cry silently inside until I can break away from them then let it all out in frustrated tears and agony.
Specifically for them. I didn’t want to upset their already vulnerable worlds.
My life although riddled with depression, anxiety and darkness was better in certain terms then theirs and I didn’t want to add to the already stressed out going crazy load they carried around on their shoulders. So I let things slide. I let things go. I kept my mouth shut and hid the tears caused by their lack of caring for the sacrifices they had no clue I was making for them.
But, I am worn out and I am done. It already destroyed me once and I can not do it again. On the surface everything is pretty and nice and perfect and awesome and lovely as two cups of apple cider on a crisp autumn morning.
But, when you start getting deeper into our own strong personalities. That is when things seem to always go wrong.
But, only because I don’t agree with them anymore. I am starting to find my own two feet and they don’t seem to like it. Or so this is how I feel.
Ousted again for being me. I hope I am wrong. But, I fear I am not.
.الجيات أحسن من الرايحات
What is coming is better than what is gone.